"So, Now What?"
Updated: Sep 20, 2020
I remember thinking, I’ve waited 273 days for this special day.
I’ve peed on pregnancy sticks, had blood tests to confirm pregnancy, gone through hormonal testing, drank nasty flavored kool-aid to check my blood sugar levels 🥴, had cravings for pickles at 3 Am, and in the same breath threw it back up. Then no matter what I ate i had heartburn so badly it felt like Lucifer was in my throat 😩.
I had the gender reveal and the baby shower. I organized the baby’s room and meticulously packed a hospital bag. I cleaned base boards for absolutely no reason and lysoled my entire house, to the point i was worried if I was a tad bit high 🥴. The quiet nights of watching my belly jump from my little one having hiccups, or watching her roll and shift into a comfortable spot for a nap were over . I had been so magically intertwined for 273 days. I had shared the same food, blood, and heartbeat for so long it was almost hard to believe that we would be separated.
That’s when the questions and anxiety started to sink in.
So now what?
What happens now?
The norm will no longer be the norm.
Change is always scary. But THIS CHANGE is terrifying. Thoughts flooded in like a tidal wave!
“Who will protect my precious gift? No one is better than me when it comes to protecting my baby!"
Here I was with a stitched up vagina, a boob that looked like it could wrap around the whole room, and raccoon eyes from a lack of sleep from being in labor for 23 hours. I sat in that bed and cried not tears of joy, but tears of sadness and anxiety. Everything had changed in 3 pushes and 12 minutes. I was so happy that she was here, but in the same breath, I was so terrified that she was here as well.
For my mamas who are asking, “So, now what?” I’m here to encourage you that, it’s ok. The “now what?” receives an answer, as every new day passes. The change is fast, magical, and scary, however, you’re built for the “Now What?” You’ll adapt and grow. You’ll learn that as much as you thought your baby needs you, you need them just as desperately. Each passing milestone will be a huge celebration, and a nagging reminder that time waits for no one. Your appreciation for life and the little things will become engrained in your heart and brain. Cherish these moments of quiet reflection. Hold your baby close and know that soon they won’t be able to fit in your arms the same way tomorrow. Thank God for the blessing of being able to watch your baby grow and thrive.
So, now what? The what is you live and love harder than you ever have before. Welcome to motherhood. It’s an amazing journey, full of scary, wonderful, and beautiful changes.
Mama Lo 💕